Saturday, March 06, 2010

It’s Not What It Seems

After having been woken every morning for the past week by having my bed shake, I’ve been led to re-think what we’ve all been told about the earthquake in Chile.

One conclusion that has come to me is that this was not a natural event. It is a man-made phenomena that comes from the testing of a secret government project to develop a national alarm clock!

To explain the various discrepancies which opponents of this theory might raise I offer the following explanations:

  1. The massive quake on February 27th was an accidental result of the simultaneous activation of several separate shaker apparatuses.
  2. The several hundred aftershocks were due to a malfunction of the control mechanism provoked by event Number 1.
  3. The varied times are a combination of the damaged control mechanism and deliberate testing to determine the optimum shaker intensity required to awaken the maximum number of citizens at different times of the day and night.

If they can be located, sources close to the newly elected president of Chile, Sebastian Piñera, who is a well established entrepreneur, may indicate that the president-elect has been quick to recognize the potential commercial value of this program. Once the timing and intensity controls are perfected, it is said he has plans to licence the use of this technology to other countries whose economies need to be awakened.

Among the various benefits the new technology offers are:

  • The quick demolition of old and dilapidated buildings and neighbourhoods.
  • A final testing procedure of new buildings before they are occupied to ensure that they meet all anti-seismic standards.
  • Demolition of inadequate roads, bridges and transportation infrastructure.
  • A quick method of testing the moral character of large groups of people and identifying those with delinquent tendencies who participate in looting during simulated emergency conditions.
  • A process to stimulate and reactivate the construction industry.
  • A justification to use the manpower and machinery of a country’s armed forces in peace time without provoking any external conflicts.
  • A focal point to unite the citizens of a country toward a common national goal which supersedes political agendas.

It all makes sense now, doesn’t it?


Edo said...

Very funny... Jack, you've been watching too much TV... ha ha ha...

Kenneth said...

That Piñera guy really knows what he is doing eh?
We should write him for a wake up call NOT before 8:30